What if something you’re spending time with doesn’t want you there? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I have a question. There’s a step in Focusing where I’m supposed to just be with something I’m feeling. But what do I do if it clearly doesn’t want me to be with it? It’s like it turns its back on me and says (without words) “Go away!”
Dear Reader:
Good for you for noticing that much! You’re clearly in a good contact with this “something” in you if you can tell how it’s feeling, and pick up its messages.
But there’s a lot we don’t know yet. We don’t know if it really wants you to go away (probably not), or if this is its way of expressing some feelings. And we don’t know what feelings those are yet.
Think of a child who says to a parent, “Go away!” Do they really want the parent to go away? Forever? Certainly not! But they’re expressing something. Some kind of unhappiness, surely.
So probably the next step is to hear it… like you would hear a Focusing partner. “You want me to go away,” spoken with empathy and kindness. And then stay… to sense what you become aware of now. Maybe you’ll start to feel that it’s angry… or hurt… or resentful… or scared. Or something else.
It’s the sensing how it feels from its point of view that’s important. When it says “Go away!” – it is expressing feelings. When you stay to sense those feelings, you are being respectful to what is underneath the “Go away!”
And very likely you will find, after a while, that it is glad you didn’t go away.
