Want to know something about types of parts and how they like to be treated? Read on…
Sean writes:
When is it time to go into questioning a Defender with “maybe there is something you are not wanting/wanting”? Or do you only do that with Protectors?
Dear Sean:
I see you are interested in applying our Untangling® method, an elaboration of Inner Relationship Focusing for tough, hard-to-change life issues. Good!
Just to summarize, “Protector” is our word for a type of part that is typically blaming, critical, anxious, restrictive, pushing, hyper-alert, and worried about future consequences. A Protector can’t take action in the world, though it can influence your body.
“Defender” is our word for a type of Part that is typically impulsive, compulsive, overwhelmed, rebellious, disconnected, depressed, embarrassed, or ashamed. A Defender can take action in the world though it often refuses to do what Protectors want it to do.
And then there is our Not-wanting/Wanting process, which involves first getting in touch with a part, and then inviting a sense of what it is not-wanting to happen to you… or what it is wanting for you to be able to feel.
Protectors take very readily to being invited to let you know what they are not wanting or wanting for you. They seem eager to let you know.
Defenders, too, have not-wanting and wanting. But they would like something else first… and that is what we call relational contact.
Defenders would like to know that you are with them, that you care about making contact with them. And that’s probably enough to give you a good start!
