Focusing Tip #741 – “Oh that’s just a part, that’s not really me feeling that.”

Have you found that acknowledging your feelings leads to dismissing them or stopping them? Read on…

Christina writes:

Lately I’ve noticed a tendency in myself to be dismissive of some hard feelings, as in “I see you, and I know that is really hard,” but then: “Oh that’s just a part, that’s not really me feeling that.”

For instance, I will start to feel sad and tears will come, then there’s a stop—I think, “Something in me feels sad, not me, so no need to cry.” Of course, this just stops any tears, which isn’t always the best thing.

I guess I’m confused at times between what is me/my experience and what is a part, and how to handle these situations.

Dear Christina:

Such an interesting question!

The inner relationship of turning toward parts as “something in me” was never meant to help us stop or dismiss our feelings. It’s meant to make it easier to be compassionate toward those feelings… so they can be fully present and take their next steps as we are there with them.

Good for you for noticing that something other than compassion seems to be happening for you!

I suspect there might be another part here. At the moment it’s what we would call an invisible part… and yet you can still acknowledge it. You might try saying, “Something in me feels sad, AND something in me doesn’t want to be feeling that” and see if that feels true.

In the ordinary course of things, sadness and crying don’t need to stop just because someone is there to listen. Perhaps you’ve had the experience that a friend’s kindness and empathy make it easier to cry.

Inner kindness and listening are like that, too. When you turn toward your feelings, when you put a gentle hand there and say, “I am with you now,” those feelings are allowed to be there. Crying can come… perhaps with even more welcome than before.

Your feelings ARE yours… AND you can be with them…