Are you desperate to fix what’s wrong with you? Read on…
Michaela writes:
Somewhere you wrote that trying to “fix” yourself doesn’t work to bring lasting change.
But every Focusing session I do is an attempt to repair myself, because I really need to change. My eating disorder part keeps coming up through cravings and there doesn’t seem to be anything that can free me from it.
I have a hard time not wanting to fix that!
Dear Michaela:
Of course you long for this painful pattern to change. That’s so understandable.
And it’s natural to hold a vision of positive change for yourself, to want the very best for this beautiful person you love — yourself!
But there’s a difference between holding that positive vision and having a part that is anxious, desperate, and pushing to get rid of whatever is seen as negative.
Being identified with an anxious, pushing part actually gets in the way of change… which is why I say that trying to “fix” yourself doesn’t work. Especially if what you’re trying to fix is an entrenched pattern, like a part that eats for comfort and emotion control. (A Tangle!)
I’m not saying you should stop yourself from feeling desperately eager for change. What I am suggesting is that you turn toward something in you that is desperately eager for change, and say, “Hello, I know you’re there.”
Then as that same compassionate listener, also turn toward the part that is doing the out-of-control eating. This is not about changing its behavior. It’s about listening to its feelings.
I’m not saying this is a magic formula. It takes time, because it’s building trust in an inner relationship… in which you become more and more able to be there for the feelings of your parts. In my view, that’s where true change comes from.
