Do you have inner critics that don’t feel helpful in any way? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I’ve heard people say that critical parts have a positive purpose, and they say when you have a critical part you can ask it its positive purpose.
But my critical parts don’t seem to have any positive purpose. When I ask this question, they laugh at me.
Dear Reader:
When Barbara McGavin and I developed the Untangling method, we did discover that critical parts have a positive intention. They are always trying to protect us and save us from something they think would be worse than their criticism.
However, we also found that asking them what their positive purpose is, is not very productive.
This is because, like all parts, critical parts are strategic. They are trying to have an effect. And telling you their true intention might, they feel, get in the way of the effect they want to have.
That’s why we developed the Not-Wanting/Wanting process, which is a key element of the Untangling method.
Parts may not be trusting enough to tell us anything. But we CAN sense what they are worried about — what they are Not Wanting.
For example, a critical part that says, “You will fail,” is actually not wanting you to fail. It’s giving you a warning that sounds like a prediction. But it’s really, underneath, concerned about you.
The bottom line is to develop your empathy for all your parts, and rather than ask them anything, sense… how they feel and what they want. And what they don’t want. You’ll find out they are more on your side than you think.
