January 31 2006

Did you think you had to change your feelings in order to feel better or get on with life? On the contrary! Read on…

“I Wish I Didn’t Feel So Anxious”

When a crisis comes, we need a clear head. When life gives us lemons, as the saying goes, we want to make lemonade. But instead we may be fearful, anxious, upset, angry, bitter… and at the same time knowing that those emotional reactions get in the way of the wise choices we need to make to respond to the crisis.

Whether it’s from a sudden lost job, a medical emergency, or a family member in trouble, what felt like inner peace can become inner war, with bombs going off and smoke everywhere. Then we may think: “If only I didn’t feel so anxious and fearful!”

But the effort NOT to have a feeling that we ARE having is doomed to fail. The best we can do–if you can call it “best”– is to suppress, repress, push away the feelings that something in us doesn’t want to feel… and the problem with that is that those feelings are not inanimate objects like desks or tables, but aspects of the whole living process that we are. We can’t be completely ourselves without them.

Wait… that last sentence isn’t quite right. Let’s say it like this: We can’t be completely ourselves without the part of us, the “something in us,” that is having those feelings right now. Getting rid of it is like throwing out the baby with the bath water– and the truth is, there is no bath water. It’s all something precious that we truly don’t want to lose.

“I am at Peace, and Something in Me is Anxious”

So how can we find peace when a crisis needs our full resources? The answer, of course, is Presence. Inhabiting Presence, we can say “hello” to any other feeling we have, and let it be as it is, without losing that state of peace, clarity, and responsiveness.

That’s right. It isn’t necessary to stop feeling anxious in order to have inner peace. What you’ll probably find, as so many do, is that from the very first “hello” a lot of relief comes. The struggle not to feel the feeling that was there was already a lot of the tension inside. If it can be as it is–and in Presence it can –then you are already OK.

Even that would be enough, but there’s more!

Once you can say “hello” you can also listen more deeply to the part of you that’s anxious, finding out what it’s so anxious about. Even if that seems obvious–you might be surprised!– it can make a world of difference to let it know you hear it.

And the cherry on the cake is that saying “hello” is itself a move into Presence. So you don’t have to first find some Presence, and then say “hello” to the anxiety. Just say “hello” to the anxiety. That… and feeling the support of your body on the chair… may be enough to find Presence. Especially if you practice it again and again, each time feeling how it feels inside.