Holding All of Me, Including that Part of Me…
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In response to last week’s tip I heard from Diana Daffner, a Focusing person who knows A LOT about healing and growth with an intimate partners… because she and her husband Richard teach fabulous intimacy workshops and test their methods on themselves!
Diana writes: "I’d like to share with you – and others, if you feel it’s appropriate – how I sometimes involve my husband, Richard, in briefly being my Focusing Companion although he has no training or even real experience in Focusing. And isn’t really interested in it that much.
"We have a daily appointment to enjoy intimate time together, which is physical, emotional and spirituallly based. Sometimes when I show up, I may be aware of something in me that is distracted, not comfortable or not really ready to be there. I would like ‘all of me’ to be there, so I say to him, ‘I’m noticing something in me that is still thinking about that article I’m writing.’ Or ‘There’s a part of me that is worried about …..’ It could be that I’m noticing something that feels heavy in my belly. Or even, ‘I’m noticing a part of me that feels resistant to your touch right now.’ We have practiced this a bit, and have taught it to other couples, so he knows to wait for the question I will then ask him, which is:
"Will you help hold All of Me, including that part of me, here in our heart-space?
"All he has to do is say Yes.
"The longer version, if he remembers, is ‘Yes, I will help hold All of You, including that part of you, here in our heart-space.’ (I actually have created cue cards!)
"It’s amazing, yet just by my acknowledging a part that could otherwise distract me from our time together, and his willingness to help me hold that part in Presence – creates a huge shift that truly allows me to be more totally with him.
"Of course there are times when it might be more appropriate to further investigate whatever is up for me, or to do Focusing by myself or with a companion, but at these times just creating a space to hold All of Me seems to work wonders for deepening our intimate connection in the here-and-now moment. Thank you for inspiring this practice!"
More About Diana and Richard’s Intimacy Workshops
The Power of Acknowledging What Is in the Way
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I am honored and touched to learn about how Diana and Richard are using acknowledging what is in the way to deepen their intimacy.
But not surprised that it works so well. We’ve see how this works, over and over. When you acknowledge distractions, they distract you less. When you acknowledge pain, it hurts you less. When you acknowledge what is so, what is so is enabled to move on. It’s the radical acceptance of everything.
Why does this work? A lot could be said about this! What’s coming for me today is that whatever is being acknowledged is in process. It is not a static object, but something alive. Contained in how it is, is also its next steps. So when we acknowledge what is, exactly as it is, we make a space in which the next steps can come.