Nagging Thoughts When You're Not Focusing
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Kim writes, "Thoughts and feelings run through me while I'm in my car, taking out the garbage, or doing the dishes. Especially when there's something really nagging me, I say hello and let it know I know it's there. Other times, I sit down and take a little time with it. But what I find is I don't get any kind of sustained relief from these on-the-spot Focusing moments like I do in partnership Focusing."
Dear Kim,
You're pointing to the difference between Focusing "in the midst of life" and Focusing in a partnership session. And really, it doesn't surprise me that there's a difference.
Focusing always requires a pause. When we pause and deliberately acknowledge what we feel, and invite a felt sense to form, the whole way that we hold a problem or issue can shift. It's great that we can pause like that during daily life.
But sitting down with a Focusing partner, and being able to give ourselves presence with that person's company for 25 minutes, 35 minutes, however long we've agreed…. that's truly a special and self-loving thing to do. Something remarkable happens within the space created by two people, both willing to hold an open space for what comes inside the Focuser.
"A wonderful, unexpected outcome"
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Kim goes on to say, "The other day I had a Focusing session with a partner and knew I wanted to work with the material of the same thoughts and feelings that had been circling for days. After a lead-in and invitation, none of the repetitive stuff was there. I was able to work on my issue, but immediately have a different relationship with it. By the end of my session, I experienced a wonderful, unexpected outcome."
There you go! I love stories like that.
But will that mean that Kim doesn't have her nagging thoughts any more? Probably not! You can get real change from a Focusing session–"wonderful, unexpected"– and yet the change in your life usually comes more slowly. Bit by bit.
Those nagging thoughts that Kim is talking about are coming from "something" inside her that is worried or anxious… about something. Reacting to the flow of daily life with worry might be a familiar, longterm habit. In my experience, it won't shift completely in one Focusing session, no matter how remarkable.
It's great to be acknowledging that "something that's worried" as it arises. That's already a big shift–to be acknowledging it instead of agreeing with it or fighting it. And it's great to be sitting down with a partner to do longer Focusing sessions around those issues.
Over time, with consistent listening, those worried places will begin to change. No–they've already begun to change. Over time, they'll change in a way that's really noticeable. And even daily life will feel different then.
