“Can I pursue my goal and yet have no agenda?”
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Pat writes: “As I hold things in me with compassion and no goals I want to know how do I do this with a part that is about being unemployed. My goal is to find a job and it has been a year of looking. How do I hold this part with no goal when I and the whole world knows I need to be employed?”
Dear Pat,
I’m so sorry you’re having trouble finding a job — but thank you for sending a great question for the new year, touching on a subject that deeply fascinates me.
In Focusing we talk about the importance of having no agenda… and what we mean by that is that there is an open allowing space for whatever comes up, including any emotions and points of view from various parts and aspects of ourselves. So there is a space of inclusion, with no bouncer at the door… ‘anyone’ may enter.
But this does NOT mean that we should have no goals, intentions, or desires! The goals, intentions, and desires are ALSO welcome in the space. That makes sense, right?
This “having a goal” can be something that your whole self resonates with and knows to be right. It doesn’t have to be “a part of you.” It wouldn’t feel right to say “A part of me wants to find a job,” would it? YOU want to find a job! And you have a deep knowing that a job would be right… not just any job, but a job with certain qualities, that you can sense in advance.
One powerful way to use Focusing with goals and intentions is to take time to sense, in a bodily way, what it will feel like when the Wanted State comes to pass. Imagine you are in the job (whether you want to imagine the “just right” or the “good enough” job is up to you) — and now invite the felt sense of that to form. You might notice that it feels good! That good feeling is part of what opens you to the actions and connections that lead you to that job.
There is also the Not-Wanting ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I have used Focusing to help bring what I wanted into being, there is another part of the process that is key. That is to invite and sense any parts of me that are not-wanting this desired state.
For example, when I wanted to meet a life partner, I spent lots of time with the parts of me that were not wanting to meet someone. Even though “I” wanted to meet a life partner, I was also able to be a spacious listener to the not-wanting parts. I remember one thing they were not wanting was to repeat dysfunctional relationships from the past. I let them know I heard that.
Pat, you might feel like there is NO part of you that doesn’t want a job. But there might be parts that remember jobs in the past that didn’t go well, and they don’t want that for you again. Listening to them will bring a relief and an opening.
So to come back to your original question, you can have a goal… and at the same time you can be a spacious listener to any parts of you that have feelings about going for that goal. “No agenda” refers to the spacious quality of the listening, not to how you go about living your life.
