“What does it mean, to ask what the body wants from having X?”
Jo writes:
In last week’s Tip you wrote that the person could ask “what her body wants for her from having good boundaries.”
Could you explain a bit?
Dear Jo:
This is a stage in the “Not-Wanting/Wanting” process that was developed by Barbara McGavin and myself in order to go deeper than our usual assumptions and beliefs.
When there is something that you want, your process doesn’t have to stop there. Like: “I want to have good boundaries with my family, period.” There is always more.
Start with something that you want. A more stimulating job, or better communication with your partner, or an ice cream sundae.
Now pause, connect with yourself, and feel the wanting of that in your body.
Got it? Now gently invite that feeling to show you what it wants for you FROM feeling that.
I know it looks quite odd to read but it’s not that hard to do, trust me! (Part of the oddness comes because we are avoiding the more obvious “Ask it why it wants that” which is not nearly as effective.)
For example, one woman said she wanted to feel loved. We invited her to sense what her body wanted for her from feeling loved. She sensed quietly… and then she said, “It wants me to feel this warm feeling of total aliveness that is all through my body right now.” Wow!
