Focusing Tip 589: I feel my parts have ruined my life

Focusing Tip 589: I feel my parts have ruined my life
December 13, 2017 Ann Weiser Cornell
When you feel your parts have destroyed you

Focusing Tip #589 – Are you angry at the parts of you that have held you back from living your potential?


Jim writes:

Ann, when you speak of “parts”, it’s very helpful, but I have a question. I found that a couple of parts – the critic and another unnamed part – have really been in charge.

I don’t know how else to say it, but I have come to hate those parts. I feel they have destroyed me – and with all my lost potential I can say there is much truth to that.

There is no long-term relief in sight. And certainly no hope for a life other than a life than as a victim.

Can you point to hope and relief?

Dear Jim:

You have discovered that some parts have been in charge. This is an important discovery.

But it sounds like you think they wanted to be in charge. Not at all!

Parts are like children, maybe they are children. And children do not want to be in charge. They are only in charge because they have been left home alone, neglected and abandoned, with no adult to care for them.

Would you arrive at the home where the children have been in charge, and be angry with them for doing such a bad job?

I hope you would arrive and say how sorry you are that they had to do what children should never have to do. And now… you are here, and you can take charge.

A key part of the parts model is the idea of Self-in-Presence. Self-in-Presence is you… you being the big person who can say to every small person inside, “I know you have been doing your best to help, and I am here with you now.”

Many of my writings can show you how to do this. My book Presence might be the best place to start. The Treasure Maps retreat goes in more depth and gives lots of support.

Not only those parts you have discovered, but also the part of you that feels like a victim and is mourning your lost potential… that one too needs and deserves your love and care.

Yes, there is lots of hope and relief, not very far away, when you are the one who can acknowledge the hurt and angry and suffering inside… and be compassionate.

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