Focusing involves spending time with different parts of you. But do those parts have value?

Bhavani writes:

After a year of experience with Focusing I am yet to find anything good about my parts. They don’t seem to add any value. It’s like a bunch of little kids all shouting and screaming as they are unhappy for different reasons, making my life miserable. And if I gather some patience and listen to each of them they quiet down and the house suddenly feels peaceful.

I hear you say my parts have some value to offer. However I have found none so far. Can you say more about that?

Dear Bhavani:

Nobody chooses to have parts. Just like nobody chooses to be traumatized. Since parts come from trauma, it’s really the same question.

I’m not surprised that your parts seem like little kids to you because I believe that is what they are – child parts of us still frozen in past trauma, and trying to deal with that with child resources.

It sounds like you’ve experienced your parts getting quiet, but you haven’t experienced them changing. Oh yes… they can change.

In fact, they can melt and not be parts any more.

Their abilities and strengths will become you… no longer separated.

This beautiful process of listening to your parts goes farther than just quieting them down. It actually leads to transformation, where what has been separated out as a part is no longer separate.

And that is the treasure. The “value” of the wound is that when it heals, it brings with it all the learning and all the gifts you have gathered in being able to heal. You are bigger, more compassionate, more present. More yourself.

It happens through listening with empathy. You’re on the right track. Keep going!