Focusing Tip #667 – Trying not to be bothered by a co-worker’s remarks
Do you get hijacked by your emotions and you can’t think straight? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I have a co-worker who keeps making these little remarks. I’m sure she is trying to get to me, but nobody else seems to notice. I try not to let it bother me, but it does. On some days I get so bothered that I can’t keep my mind on my work. I don’t know whether to keep trying not to be bothered or to try to say something about it.
It sounds like you’re experiencing something that I call “emotional hijack.”
Something real is happening – your co-worker is making those remarks – but your emotional reaction to what is happening is making it hard for you to work and hard for you to decide what to do.
I’m not saying that your emotions aren’t justified. You are in tune with yourself enough to at least notice that the remarks bother you… and that’s a big step in the right direction.
But now, to be able to have a clear mind to do your work and decide what to do about the remarks, you need to acknowledge your feelings and at the same time get bigger than they are.
You’d start by pausing… and then acknowledging your feelings by saying “Something in me is really bothered by her remarks.”
Next, you’d say Hello to that something in you that is bothered.
Notice, you’re not trying to get rid of the feelings. They can still be there. After all, they are telling you something! You are simply accessing your bigger state, something we call Self-in-Presence. From there, you’ll be able to make good decisions about what to do about the co-worker, decisions that aren’t driven by your emotions but are informed by them.
It’s really amazing how much more clearly we can think when we aren’t hijacked by our emotions.
If you’re new to Focusing, you might try our free e-course, Get Bigger Than What’s Bugging You. It will take you further into a process to help you find your way to Self-in-Presence. Click here to find out more or sign up.