If you accept the ‘negative’ things you feel and think, will that attract more of the same into your life? Read on…
Amy writes:
My question is about dealing with emotions when it comes to moving forward, overcoming obstacles, and evolving into a more conscious, strong, wise being.
Focusing welcomes everything that’s felt and doesn’t judge feeling as ‘bad’, but other approaches say ‘don’t feel anything negative (ex. fear, anxiety, anger…) otherwise you will attract more of it’.
I welcome the acceptance of all my feelings in Focusing. But I’m wondering if I may be doing some kind of ‘harm’ or attracting something bad into my life by allowing myself to experience anything ‘negative’… and delaying moving forward with my positive growth.
Dear Amy:
Of course you want to move forward, overcome obstacles, and evolve in the direction of more strength, wisdom, and consciousness! I celebrate you for that!
And you are trying to reconcile two viewpoints on emotions: one that says, “Accept and embrace whatever you feel,” and the other that says, “Be careful what you feel because you’ll attract more of it.”
On the face of it those positions seem to be opposite. But if we look a little closer, they don’t have to be.
In Inner Relationship Focusing, we have this interesting concept of disidentification. (That’s such an odd word that my spell-check doesn’t like it!)
It means: “I have this feeling or thought… but it is not all of me. I am more. I am able to give it my company because it is not all of me.”
So let’s say you feel fear. And you don’t want to attract more fear.
You can say, “I am sensing something in me that is afraid.” You are not afraid. It is something in you.
You are not fighting with yourself, increasing tension by worrying about what your feelings are attracting.
In fact, since what you are embodying is compassion toward your own feelings, if you are attracting anything, it is compassion.
And since your feelings matter and have meaning, you are making a space inside where you can take your next positive steps. Yes, even feelings like fear and anger can take us into positive steps! If we trust the process.
