Focusing Tip #857 – Boundaries and Self-Love – “I feel guilty that my life is better than my sister’s”
What can you do if you are haunted by a feeling of guilt for something that’s not your fault? Read on…
Julie writes:
The sensation of feeling guilty is often present in my life. One of my sisters had a rough life. A part of me has often felt guilty for what I have in comparison to her. Another part says that it is tired of this haunting guilt feeling.
My sister is envious of me, criticizes me, saying that I am not generous. It seems like a tangle!
Dear Julie:
I’m so sorry to hear that your sister is merged with a part of her that blames and accuses you for having a better life. That’s a hard situation for you to stay unentangled from.
Let’s start with you, though. Although it can be harder to find balance within yourself when another person is blaming you, it is possible.
Something in you feels guilty. I recommend actually saying this to yourself: “I am sensing something in me feels guilty.”
When you say it this way, you are creating a gentle inner relationship with this part of you, which is such a profoundly loving thing to do.
Next: “I am saying Hello to that.” Now you are in a compassionate contact with the part of you that is feeling guilty.
Now be a good listener. Invite this part of you to let you know what’s making it feel so guilty. I suspect you are going to touch in on sadness for your sister’s harder life, and under that there’s probably a feeling of helplessness that there’s not really a lot you can do.
“Guilt” is usually the surface feeling of a whole complex of deeper feelings. When you can listen deeply, and go beneath the surface, the whole thing will begin to shift.I have a feeling that when you can look at your sister with love and sadness, inwardly acknowledging your own inability to make her life a happy one, it will be easier for you to relate to her just as one person to another.
