what does “inner relationship” actually refer to?

Why is inner relationship so important? Read on..

Christina writes:

You and Barbara McGavin created Inner Relationship Focusing. I’ve been wondering—what does “inner relationship” actually refer to? The relationship with the emotions inside? The parts?

Dear Christina:

I think we’re living in times when relationship matters more than ever.

When you and I are in relationship, both of us matter. We’re both needed, and both important. We contribute to each other, hopefully in mutually enhancing and positive ways. Within relationship, we can grow.

So then what is “inner relationship”? Inner relationship is a way of giving company to our feelings, emotions, “parts,” etc… so that they are not alone… and so that they can grow, evolve, and change.

Inner relationship is the difference between “I am scared” and “I am sensing something in me is scared.”

In “I am scared” there is only one. I = scared.

But in “I am sensing something in me is scared” we have two: the “I” who is sensing, and the “something in me” that is scared. This relationship opens up space, and in that space is enormous potential for something new to happen.

Of course, the quality of relationship is also important. That’s why Barbara and I talk about Self-in-Presence, which is your ability to turn toward what you feel with compassion and curiosity. When you say “I am sensing…”, you are speaking as Self-in-Presence, and inviting relationship with what is sensed.

If you are feeling something stressed or heavy or overwhelmed, try saying “I am sensing something in me feels….” and let a gentle hand go there. YOU can be there with THAT. Simple. Profound. Relationship can heal.

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