Focusing Tip #785 – “Why does everyone say I have to have a Focusing partner?”

Do you wonder if you have to have a Focusing partner to do Focusing? Read on…

A Reader writes:

I’ve been looking for a Focusing program and they all say I have to be a Focusing partner. Why is there such an emphasis on Focusing partnership? I just want to learn and do Focusing myself.

Dear Reader:

Focusing is for everyone. As Mary Hendricks Gendlin says, “Focusing belongs to everyone.”

It has always been my vision and my goal that everyone has Focusing, all the time. So that in any moment that you need to get in touch with what you deeply know, you know how. Any time you need to be fully present as yourself, you know how. Any time you need to make a decision or take an action that’s the best for the situation, you know how.

When you have Focusing, any time your emotions are stirred up or triggered, you know how to give them caring attention without getting carried away by them… and in the process, your emotions evolve and change.

When you have Focusing, you know how to stay at the edge of a new creative idea or impulse, and not dismiss it or rush it. You respect and care tenderly for the new emergence of the not-yet-known.

I want to live in that world, where everyone who wants Focusing, has it! So I completely applaud you for wanting to learn and do Focusing yourself.

And yet…

And yet for most people, including me, it’s easier to get Focusing if we start by practicing with Focusing partners. The presence of a person who is completely neutral and accepting has an almost magical effect. When I first worked with a Focusing partner, I felt like years of being given “good” advice and being told what was wrong with me were being lifted from my shoulders.

It’s not so easy to give ourselves the complete openness and acceptance that good Focusing requires. Another person there makes that easier. Sometimes much easier.

And then, I found, after I really got Focusing with a partner, Focusing alone became possible. Now I do it all the time. (And I still have a partner!)