Focusing Tip #788 – “My negative thoughts about others are beyond my control”

Focusing Tip #788 – “My negative thoughts about others are beyond my control”
March 9, 2022 Ann Weiser Cornell
If you judge others negatively and you don't want to, what can you do?

Focusing Tip #788 – “My negative thoughts about others are beyond my control”

If you judge others negatively and you don’t want to, what can you do? Read on…

Jannes writes:

I’ve realized that when I’m outside and my eyes fall on another person, my inner judge jumps at them with negative thoughts about what kind of person this is. I try to push these thoughts away but not very successfully.

I don’t want to think about people this way, but the thoughts seem to rush in, beyond my control. I wonder if you have a handy tip for this.

Dear Jannes:

Any time there is something happening in your feelings and thoughts that seems beyond your control, I guarantee there is a “part of you” involved.

Good for you for recognizing this!

And if this “out of control” experience happens in a certain situation, like when you’re outside walking around, then the best time to work with this part of you is when you are NOT outside walking around.

When you are sitting at home with no other person in sight, that is the time to pause and turn your attention inward.

  • Recall the last time it happened, who you saw, and what your inner judge said about that person.
  • Now use the language of “something in me” to begin a compassionate relationship with that part of you. Like this: “Something in me said that person was badly dressed and looked stupid” (or whatever). Pause, invite, and feel the energy of the part of you that judged that other person.
  • Sense and describe the feel of it rather than trying to think about bad or good, right or wrong. Maybe this part of you has an urgent quality, or a protective quality, or a pushing away quality. Let it know you are here to listen to what is really bothering it.

There is something under this judging that feels out of control, some reason why a part of you is doing it. By spending time listening deeply to it when you are alone, you’ll find yourself feeling more peaceful when you’re out there walking around.


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