When does “part of me” work better than “something in me”? Read on…

Stephanie writes:

Thanks for your Tip last week. I must admit there’s a part of me that doesn’t feel comfy with the “something in me” words either. I always say “a part of me.” It doesn’t feel good to me to call parts of myself things.

A long time ago now I had vivid dreams about my little girl inside being trapped and have been working since to free her. She wants respect and to be heard. And doesn’t like to be called a thing.

Dear Stephanie:

Of course! How beautiful that you are going by your inner sense of rightness, and sensing how that young part of you would like to be treated.

I think we are talking about stages of process.

Last week I spoke about how some people aren’t ready to use the phrase “something in me,” and need to say “I feel ____” instead of “something in me feels.”

I hope and trust that over time, many of those folks would be willing to try out “something in me feels,” even though it didn’t work for them at first. (I’ve often seen this happen in my clients.)

At that early stage, there is even more resistance to the phrase “part of me” than to the phrase “something in me.” People tend to say they don’t like to be divided into parts. But even those people, after a while, start to be okay with “something in me,” which doesn’t seem to evoke as much of a feeling of being divided.

But you, Stephanie, have progressed beyond all that! You are already aware of a younger part of you needing your care and attention. You are tending to your relationship with her, sensing what she needs.

I totally agree that this younger part is not a “something.”

If I’m working with a client, and the client says, “Part of me feels ______,” then I don’t change that language. I say back, “Part of you feels ______.”

Accurate and compassionate language can help support the inner relationship, and that’s what’s so important about it.

Additional tips about Parts you may find helpful:

Focusing Tip #157 – Working with Parts, Comparing Focusing to IFS

Focusing Tip #776 – “Even when I listen to them, my parts don’t change”