Is there a traumatized part of you that won’t let you sleep? Read on…
Lauren writes:
I suffer from chronic insomnia (over 40 decades) due to childhood abuse.
I have tried many different techniques to ‘convince’ my nervous system that it is now safe to sleep but nothing I try seems to work. I can’t seem to connect with the parts of me that are involved. The part that won’t let me rest and be still is so strong.
How do you connect to a part that is so deeply rooted from a young age?
Dear Lauren:
I’m so sorry to hear about your suffering. I know insomnia can be really tough. And I do have some ideas for you.
There are two things I can talk about:
- One, “convincing” a part.
- Two, connecting with a deeply rooted, very young part.
It’s totally logical to think that if a part of us feels unsafe, the thing to do is to convince it that it is safe.
But I have never known “convincing” a part to be successful!
Rather than telling it that it is safe, listen to its fears. Listen without trying to change it.
Listen without saying, “But you are safe now.” Parts (and people) stop paying attention when they hear the word “but.” Parts just need to feel that they are heard. When truly heard, they feel safe. No convincing needed.
So how do you connect with this part in order to listen to it?
Simply assume that it is there, and start to guess how it is feeling.
“Dear one, I know you are there somewhere. I’m guessing you are really scared. No wonder. You went through a lot. You probably feel like it’s still happening now. No wonder you’re scared. I’m here with you. I’m here to listen.”
Pause… and sense if you can feel that someone is there. Someone is listening to you, waiting to hear what you will say next.
You are giving this part of you empathy by guessing how it is probably feeling. Keep going. It won’t be too long before you start to feel it respond.
The key thing here is that you are building a trusting relationship by being someone who doesn’t tell this part of you how to feel. In time, change will happen. (And if another part of you is feeling impatient, be sure to let it know you hear it too.)
If you struggle with past trauma, you might be interested in:
Healing Trauma:
Moving Beyond the Hurt of the Past
6-Module Interactive On-Demand Course + Community
A course to help you gently transform painful cycles like: overreacting to present events because they trigger past hurts, repeating painful patterns in your relationships, or sometimes feeling like a small, hurt child is living your life. Join us to experience how self-compassion can release past hurts so you can live more fully.
