Would you ever change a negative statement to a positive one when listening to someone? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I think I heard you say somewhere that when a Focuser makes a negative statement, like “I can’t achieve my goals,” or “I’m a failure,” you say it back to them in a positive light. Is that what you do, and can you give an example?
Dear Reader:
Thanks for that question! The answer is yes in one case, and no in the other. Let me explain…
When you’re a Companion saying back (reflecting) what a Focuser is saying, you mostly want to reflect the tone, the meaning, everything just the same.
For example, if the Focuser says, “This place in my chest is feeling really really really sad,” you would say back: “That place in your chest is feeling really really really sad.” With exactly as many “reallys” as the Focuser used. You’re supporting the Focuser in hearing and acknowledging what is there just as it is.
However, when the Focuser starts a sentence with “I can’t…” or “I’m not able to…”, what I hear there is wanting. After all, you wouldn’t say you couldn’t achieve your goals unless you really wanted to achieve your goals!
Focuser: “I can’t achieve my goals.” Companion: “You really want to achieve your goals… and something’s in the way of that.” (And the Focuser can then correct me if that’s not right.)
So that’s the main time where I say back a positive sentence in response to something negative. I’m not putting in the positive — I feel like I’m already hearing it in what they say.
As for a Focuser who says, “I’m a failure,” I don’t say back “You’re a failure” or “You’re not a failure.” I say, “You are hearing something in you say you are a failure.” It doesn’t change it to a positive, but it does acknowledge that the “failure” statement comes from a part. And we can go on from there.
