What can you do with doubting yourself and comparing yourself to others? Read on…
Uzzie writes:
I always doubt on my abilities because I always look at myself through other people eyes: “What if I don’t perform what they are expecting from me?”
I am not productive because I am a student and I just spend money and don’t have time to earn money but people are productive, they have a good life style and jobs. I am always afraid what people will think about me, so what should I do to stop focusing on the negative side?
Dear Uzzie:
We may think we are looking at ourselves through other people’s eyes. But really — since we have no idea what other people think — really, we are looking at ourselves through the eyes of our own “inner critic.”
It’s a part of you that compares you to others, and always finds that you fall short.
And that is actually good news, because since it is a part of you, you can create a relationship with it, and it can change.
The first step is to say “something in me.” For example: “Something in me says I am not productive, I am not performing well enough.”
Step 2: Say Hello to this part of you. Just a neutral, “Hello, I know you’re there.” You don’t have to like it. But for now, no need to argue with it. You’re going to be the listener for a while.
Step 3: Be aware that any part of you that compares you unfavorably to others is worried about you. I know, it doesn’t sound worried. It probably sounds critical and judgmental. But it is worried, really… or it wouldn’t bother to say those things.
Step 3A: Say to it, “Might you be worried about me?” Remember, you are the listener. You are giving this part of you an open invitation to tell you its worries. (It probably has many!)
Step 4: Listen. Let it know you hear it, without argument. “I really hear that you’re worried I’ll never be as productive as they are.”
Step 5: Now listen for what it wants for you. This is a part of you that wants you to be productive and happy. It wants you to have a good life!
And that is a feeling that you can pause and really enjoy.
