The Part that Doesn’t Want To
One of my very favorite uses for Focusing is when I feel stuck in doing some action. There’s something I want to do… but I just don’t do it. In the old days this “procrastination” and the self-criticism about it would dominate my life. It was like walking around in a dark cloud of bad feeling about all the undone “stuff.”
I learned that the key to working with any blocked action was to invite a body sense of “The Part that Doesn’t Want To” — and listen to ITS point of view.
That was hard to do, at first, because of all the inner criticism. I was identified with the part of me that felt urgent about getting this thing done, and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t getting done.
So I needed to acknowledge both: the part that felt impatient and urgent, and the part that didn’t want to. Stepping outside of that inner war and holding it all with compassion was the first big step of change.
Here’s what Diane in New Jersey wrote about using Focusing with her action blocks:
“I HAD to tell you about this past week. It was if I was a different person in a way! I cleaned my studio…! AND I started drawing again! I ate more healthy… In other words something seemed to shift so that a lot of action blocks unblocked!
“Realizing that I don’t need to wait to “feel like I want to” as well as I don’t have to use force and that there is ANOTHER way has been remarkably transformative! It’s as if like all the concepts have come together including the concept of having faith in the process which keeps me going during the most confusing chaotic times.
“Also this week I didn’t actually sit down to focus but I found myself almost always in a Focusing process. It was so interesting! At every place where I sensed a block I took a moment to sense what it was all about. I tried to stay very aware of when I might be using force and I was clued in of course when something in me would start to feel “yuck, I don’t wanna!”.
“I SEE and more importantly have experienced these parts don’t have to go away for me to move forward. And it can happen without force!”
Change Without Force
Very likely, if you’re reading this email, there’s SOME way you want your life to change. Being able to do MORE is a common one… to get to those undone projects, to feel more productive, to get the inbox clear and the desktop free.
But we have to ask ourselves: Is being more productive worth any cost? Is it worth driving myself, stressing myself, tying myself up in knots?
Answer: probably not. Certainly not, if we knew there was another way: to be even MORE productive while being in a sense of ease, of flow, of relaxation. Wouldn’t that be great!
So try this: When you find yourself stressing over “un- dones,” sit down to do some Focusing. Take some time first to just breathe, settle down, rest into your body.
And take some time to acknowledge and say hello to all the different voices and feelings that are clamoring there. Especially these two: the part of you that wants to get moving and do more, AND the part of you that doesn’t want to. Just say hello to both.
Remember, this Focusing session isn’t about deciding who is right or choosing a winner. You’re going to be sensing both and listening to both, listening deeply to what each one is feeling, what it is not wanting, and what it is wanting.
As you do this, your sense of spacious Self will increase. That’s where action comes from that is flowing and centered, effective and relaxed. Enjoy!