When “Nothing” is Happening…
There are two places in Focusing where people have difficulty with “nothing.” The first is at the beginning–“Nothing is here. I feel nothing.” That one is not the subject of this newsletter, though it’s an interesting topic that I’ve written about before and will again.
This newsletter is about the second “nothing,” the one that can come after you are in contact with a felt sense. Here it is, you can feel it, you’ve named it… now what? It’s sitting there like a lump! How long are you supposed to be with it?
This is an interesting dilemma and there are two main things that could be going on. I’ll write about one of them this week and the other one next week.
When it’s hard to sense into something that we’re feeling, when IT seems opaque, impenetrable… often what’s going on is that we’re identified with its “counter-part” — with another part of us that doesn’t like or trust it.
You can tell this kind of thing is happening when you find yourself saying things like, “It’s uncomfortable” or “It’s distant.” These aren’t really descriptions of IT but of your relationship with it. In extreme cases you’ll hear the Focuser say things like “I’m trying to get it to open up.” Then you know that the relationship has lost any empathy and respect it might have had!
…or Maybe It’s in Exile
I’ve done a lot of studying (with Barbara McGavin) of the dynamics of two parts in inner conflict. One part tries to exile the other, pushing it out into the farther reaches of awareness. The one being pushed naturally feels unaccepted and unsafe. If you were being pushed out into the cold, would you want to open up and communicate? Of course not.
No matter how much we cultivate Presence, it’s still easy to slip into identification with a part of us that’s trying to make things better by cleaning up those nasty old feeling parts. With the best of intentions, this part can even masquerade as Presence, because it SEEMS to be interested in listening. But it has an agenda: to make things better. And that will have the opposite effect.
There’s only one thing to do: find Presence again, by saying hello to the part that is trying to make things better, that is eager or impatient or urgent. Maybe even take some time to acknowledge both, that one AND the one it has been trying to push away. Both are there, and Presence is not taking sides. Presence just listens.
From that place, from Presence, you may find the exiled part softening, relaxing, beginning to trust enough to let itself be known.
