Focusing Tip #775 – “I really want this part of me to change.”

Focusing Tip #775 – “I really want this part of me to change.”
November 17, 2021 Ann Weiser Cornell
“When I'm relaxing and enjoying life, this part pulls me into panic or withdrawal, or dissociation....”

Focusing Tip #775 – “I really want this part of me to change.”

What can you do when a part of you is blocking you from living your best life? Read on…


Paul writes:

I’ve heard you recommend saying to parts that they can stay the way they are as long as they need to. I’m thinking of a part that has been particularly active lately. It keeps me from living my best life. It keeps me in a state of dissociation, for periods. When I’m really relaxing and enjoying life, it steps in and pulls me into panic or withdrawal, or dissociation. It keeps me from taking up professional activities I’d enjoy, and that the world would appreciate having me do.

I don’t want it to stay the same!

Is there a way that I can work with this part, and live my best life, even before it changes, or even if it never changes?

Dear Paul:

It’s really good that you are aware of what’s going on. Understanding that this is a part of you that pulls you into panic or withdrawal or dissociation is an essential first step. So is noticing when it happens: when you are relaxing and enjoying life. Interesting!

The next step is to invite this part of you into a relationship of listening. That probably needs to happen at a time when it is not actively taking you over.

So, in-between times of being taken over by it, sit down to do some Focusing with it. Get settled into your body, feeling your own calm spacious presence. (If you don’t feel calm and spacious, if instead, you feel agitated and upset that this part is keeping you from living your best life, you might acknowledge something in you feeling agitated and upset about that.)

When you’re ready, send an inner invitation to the part that hijacks you when you’re enjoying life. “Hello, I know you are in here somewhere, and I’d like to get to know you better.”

Then keep your awareness in your body, and wait. In time, you will start to be aware of something — a body sensation or an image or… something.

What we can trust is that the part that keeps you from enjoying life has some good reason for that — from its point of view. And also that you can’t guess its reason. That’s why you need to listen.

Perhaps there is something scary to this part of you about you getting bigger and being seen. Or about you relaxing your guard. But I don’t know. Only it knows.

What’s wonderful is that the process of creating a safe enough relationship with it so it reveals what scares it, is also the same process that will enable it to relax and change, in time.

And yes, you can live your best life even if this part never changes. Because doing this kind of process will allow you to increase your awareness of it to the point where, when it gets activated, you can give it a hug, and say “I know you’re scared,” and it won’t completely take you over.

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