When Something is Hiding
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Miriam writes: “I am wanting to get deeper in touch with a hidden or locked, unknown place inside me. I sense that it may be an event or experience that was so traumatic for me at some time, that it felt it was best for me not to know about it. It feels like getting in touch with this deep, hidden, blocked, closed off place is very important to my growth through Focusing.
“My burning question is – how, through the Focusing process can I gain access to this hidden part, which I believe holds the treasure which can lead me to further insight, understanding, release from not knowing, into a new level of awareness.”
Dear Miriam: Since you are already suspecting the existence of this “hidden or locked, unknown place,” it is beginning to make itself known. It is already not as hidden as perhaps it once was.
We can start by respecting its need to be hidden. Hiding is surely about safety, and if something in us is hiding, it must be needing to hide in order to feel safe. So we acknowledge it as hiding.
“Hello. There you are, hiding. It’s OK to keep hiding as long as you need to.” Think of earning the trust of a hiding animal or child.
Also very likely, if something is hiding, there is some internal reason why it doesn’t feel safe. There is another “something” that is scared of it or worried about what would happen if we could access it. This often feels like “I don’t want to go there” or “I don’t want to know.”
Sometimes we even feel something like a wall inside, that is blocking access to this hidden one. There is a temptation to get past the wall, tear it down or open it up, to persuade the worried one to stand aside, to let us get past. I believe this is ultimately unproductive.
The wall itself, the part that doesn’t want to go there, something in us that is scared or worried about our getting in touch with what is hidden…. that will need the “first turn.” In a state of Presence we turn toward it, to get to know what it is worried might happen, and to really hear that.
When it feels deeply heard, it is no longer a wall, and we will discover that the other one is no longer hidden.
Working with Others
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What if the person you’re working with has something hiding? I find it exciting when a Focuser says to me, “I think there’s something here but it’s hiding.” For an aspect of our awareness to be “hiding” is already a rich communication, about its existence and its need for safety.
Too many times, if I keep quiet, I will hear the person say this next: “So I’m trying to pull it out of hiding” or “I’m trying to get it out but it won’t come.” That’s why I no longer keep quiet when I hear “it’s hiding.” After reflecting, I will add: “You might want to assure it that it’s OK to hide.” or “And it can hide as long as it needs to.”
Amazingly, I find that people can have a deep connection with a hiding part. “Hiding” doesn’t seem to mean “out of awareness.” Almost always, people can sense how the hiding part is feeling and what it needs.
So I often say, “And even though it’s hiding, you can probably still sense how it is or what kind of contact it would like from you right now.”
I might even introduce the idea that “something might be hiding.” This could be in situations where the person feels nothing about a situation that matters to them. “Maybe something is hiding” is an invitation that helps some people be with an experience that is just on the edge of awareness.