Focusing Tip #768 – Learning to feel your feelings

Focusing Tip #768 – Learning to feel your feelings
September 22, 2021 Ann Weiser Cornell
I learned to use my thoughts to manage my feelings

Focusing Tip #768 – Learning to Feel Your Feelings

Is it hard to just feel your feelings? Read on…


Andrea writes:

I’ve been finding it hard to really FEEL my feelings. And to be with them. My Mom couldn’t be with my feelings, so I learned to use my thoughts to try to manage or avoid my feelings. I want to feel deserving of being with my feelings in a kind way!

Dear Andrea:

You have two big things going for you already. You want to feel your feelings and be with them. And you understand why that might be hard for you… so you can be compassionate and patient when it’s not easy.

Your feelings need your company and attention, yes. But there’s another character in the room who needs your attention first.

Imagine you see a friend across the room. You want to go talk to your friend and find out how she is doing. But every time you go to walk toward her, someone steps in between. “Don’t go there,” this person says.

Clearly, your next step is to get to know this person who stops you from going where you want to go. Inside you, it works that same way.

Something in you is stopping you from feeling your feelings. Try saying, “I want to feel my feelings, and something in me is in the way.”

This is the part of you that, as you say, feels it has to manage or avoid your feelings. You know it learned to do that from the way your mother treated you.

But it is here right now! Turn toward it, say Hello to it, let it know you’d like to get to know it better.

It might let you know what it’s worried will happen if you feel your feelings. Just listen.

When there is inner relationship, compassion, and listening, positive change opens up. Anything is possible.

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