Any
situation in your life can give you a felt sense, whether it is painful
or not. But you need to learn to pay attention to what is subtle. Read
on…
"Can I use Focusing even if I'm not disturbed or in pain?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rachel writes: "What if there is no pain, nor anything directly
disturbing about something that is important, that you want to focus on. Let's
say you want to change jobs, sort of intellectually you believe it's the right
thing for you, but you don't have any major dissatisfaction, or anger, or
difficulties. You want to make a change, but you don't have any 'felt
sense' to use to help you get a handle on it. Is there any way to help
yourself, using Focusing, to make that change, or to understand yourself and
your wants better?"
Dear Rachel,
Yes, absolutely!
And
thank you so much for writing, because you give me another chance to
clarify what a "felt sense" is. (And what it isn't.) A felt sense isn't
the sense of pain you feel as you think about your problems. And if
that were what a felt sense was, then obviously we would have a limited
use of Focusing–it would be only for things that give us pain.
Luckily, that is not what a felt sense is.
A felt sense is the whole sense of "that," whatever you want to get a felt sense of. (You can get a felt sense of anything!)
A
felt sense arises freshly, when we invite it. It isn't how we already
feel, though how we already feel can be a starting place. Felt senses
are different from emotions, they are more intricate, more subtle, and
more reliable. Emotions are like each other, but every felt sense is
unique.
This is an odd thing to pay attention to, and that's why for many of us it needs training and practice.
More subtle than what we usually pay attention to
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The
reason you might think that something "non-painful" like a voluntary
job change doesn't give you a felt sense is that we are used to paying
attention to distinct, strong feelings.
But felt senses,
especially about that type of situation, might be subtle and faint. We
might need to sit very still, and maybe have the quiet company of
another person, in order to feel them at all.
Once we're in
touch with such a sense, and begin to describe it, it usually becomes
distinct enough that we can pay more attention fairly easily. But that
first contact might not be so easy.
One of the treasures of
having a Focusing partner is that in the unintrusive company of that
person it is easier to feel those subtle felt senses.
But they have just as much information and just as much potential to move your life forward!