A Reader writes:
Can I do Focusing when I am depressed? I know ‘depressed’ covers a whole lot of points along the spectrum, and the answer probably varies depending on far along the spectrum it is. For me, the essence of depression is distortion, and the loss of perspective. I am afraid if I do Focusing while depressed, and come face to face with some of these bitterly disappointed and unhappy parts of myself (which have big global beliefs about how black the world is, and how hopeless) – if I do that when there isn’t a lot of strength in Self-in-Presence to be with them – well, I wonder about the wisdom of that.
Dear Reader,
I really appreciate how precisely you write about what you mean by “depression,” and what that is like for you. You find yourself coming face-to-face with disappointed and unhappy parts of yourself that have big global beliefs about how black and hopeless the world is. And you know that Focusing with those parts won’t work very well unless you can be Self-in-Presence with them.
I’d also like to appreciate that you can tell when there isn’t a lot of strength in your being Self-in-Presence, when you feel it would be easy to be merged with or sucked in by those disappointed and unhappy parts of yourself. Good for you for noticing that!
Those would be the times when you would give extra attention to supporting Self-in-Presence, before doing anything else. Before Focusing you might take a walk, get out into nature, be in a beautiful place that nurtures you, or simply remember being in such a place. Take some deep nourishing breaths, and feel the place where you are sitting, letting yourself rest into that support.
I love the sentence I learned from Barbara McGavin, who has taught me so much about Self-in-Presence: “I am the space, where all in me can be as it is.” Say that slowly and spaciously…and let yourself feel it, as you say it.
Now you are ready to turn toward something in you that feels disappointed and unhappy. Let it know that you are here to be with it, and to get to know it better.
What it doesn’t want is more important than what it believes
You’ve already learned that this type of part has feelings (“disappointed and unhappy”) and also has beliefs (“how black and hopeless the world is”).
The feelings came first, and they are related to even more painful feelings that this and other parts don’t want you to have to feel. You might think that depression feels bad enough, but in the view of Barbara McGavin and myself, depression is a dynamic process that partly avoids and protects from “unbearably” painful feelings from trauma in the past.
The beliefs that the part holds — and is actively trying to convince you of — are aspects of this dynamic process. If it can convince you that the world is hopeless, you will risk less…in its view, you will be safer.
So we don’t recommend that you deal with it at the level of belief. The level of belief is not the pivot for change.
This type of part doesn’t want you to have to feel certain feelings, and it is actually trying to protect you from contact with another part of you.
When you can be Self-in-Presence — no agenda, just “being the space” — slowly all the parts will become more trusting of you, and slowly you will be able to sense the other part below this one. It will be less verbal, more visceral, possibly more emotional. It will have images to show you perhaps. Go slowly. Keep refreshing your ability to be Self-in-Presence.
Real change is possible…but only by going slowly and Being the Space.
The insights in this week’s tip are from the Untangling work by Barbara McGavin and me. Read more about Untangling here.
