“I focus so much on the feelings of not wanting to do something that I end up not doing it…”

A Reader writes: 

I’ve noticed that when I focus in daily life while I’m doing something useful yet challenging and hence tend to procrastinate, then I focus so much on these feelings that don’t want to do something, that I actually end up not doing it. And staying true to my feelings makes me quit or procrastinate tasks which can’t be possibly found pleasant, but which lead to some positive outcomes in future (e.g. making a resume, learning something). The outcome of these would be good for me, but the process requires energy, attention. It looks like I need either something other than just Focusing to get in touch with some motivational energy, or use Focusing correctly – not to “be” with my feelings that just want relaxation… but maybe to use it somehow to get in touch with some motivation.

Dear Reader,

Great question! You’ve discovered something very important…that Focusing is NOT just feeling our feelings. I used to think that was the definition of Focusing, to be aware, to feel how I feel as I am living my life.

But that isn’t what Focusing is, and you’ve put your finger on one of the essential problems with the “just feeling my feelings” approach….that being in touch with feelings of not enjoying what I am doing might lead to procrastinating on important matters. This is a trap – so let’s see how not to get caught in there!

The trouble with “just feeling my feelings” is that then it is very easy to become identified with those feelings. “I am not enjoying this.” “I am bored.” “I am tired.” “I’ll do it tomorrow…” Those are feelings that can easily turn into procrastination, in the absence of Self-in-Presence.

As Self-in-Presence you would say, “I am sensing something in me that is not enjoying this. I am saying Hello to that. Now I am sensing the whole space, my whole self. I can also sense the rightness of going ahead with this now, even though something in me is tired. I am letting it know I really hear how tired it is. OK, that feels better.”

Finding motivation with Focusing

You raise the question of using Focusing to get in touch with your motivation. Yes, you can do that!

Take a pause in your task… and first acknowledge compassionately the parts of you that are having a hard time with it. Listen to them for a while… what they tell you might surprise you! For example, a woman in a recent workshop reported: “The part told me it wants to do the writing, it just doesn’t want to be pushed.” Ah! 

Listen from Self-in-Presence until you can feel those parts relaxing because they feel you really heard them.

Now ask your body freshly for a sense of the whole project, inviting the feeling of what you are wanting from doing it. If it’s to get a better job, remember what you are wanting to experience from having a new job… and invite your body to give you the feel of that.

This doesn’t have to be called a “part”. Probably the sense of wanting to feel strong, flexible, creative, etc. belongs to your whole Self. So you can say “I want…” and notice how that feels in your body as if you already have it. This is life carrying forward, and it is likely to carry you forward into the necessary steps of your task.