“Would it be ‘You’re noticing you are merging’ or ‘…something in you is merging?'”
Martha writes:
When a Focuser is noticing a particular part, say an angry or rebellious part, and says “I tend to get merged with that part…,” do we as companion hold it as “You’re noticing that you tend to merge with that part” versus “You’re sensing how something in you merges with that part”?
For me, when I have a turn as Focuser, I think I get more mileage out of noticing that it’s not my Self-in-Presence that does the merging but a part of me. Then I feel freed up to turn toward that part that wants to identify with an angry or rebellious part – and that little bit of distance implied in the “turning toward” allows me to notice why there would be a pull to merge.
Does this make sense from your perspective or do you think this could be a distracting perspective to offer another Focuser?
Dear Martha,
It’s really valuable that you are sensing what you like, what works for you when you are the Focuser. Other people are not the same as we are, of course, but as a starting place this is good.
However, I have another suggestion if a Focuser says, “I tend to get merged with that part” (which I assume means they are getting merged right now!).
Rather than giving a reflection, I would take that as a request for help. This person is getting merged and could use some help not to get merged.
I might say, “Maybe you could feel yourself really here right now, your feet on the floor and your seat on the chair.”
Or I might say, “Maybe you could say a gentle hello to _____ [the one they are getting merged with].”
And yes, I do think that in general, bringing in another “something in you” at this point could be distracting.
But of course, keep doing what is already working for you!
