“Right now in my life it is manifesting as quite intense physical pain.”
Michelle writes:
I am curious about the idea of opening up to pain. My parents modeled how to tense against and ignore pain. They also tended to attack and became very hurt when, as a child, I might have suggested I was hurt by something they did or said. These two dynamics are what I contribute my tendency to brace against pain, thus often making the pain worse. Right now in my life it is manifesting as quite intense physical pain. It now feels as though bracing against the pain is my default and it takes conscious effort on my part to soften into it so that I can learn the wisdom from it. I’m wondering if you have any specific suggestions or advice regarding the idea of accepting and softening in to pain.
Dear Michelle:
Pain by its very nature is something challenging for the body. If you are able to soften into pain, even with conscious effort, that’s very good!
I do have a few suggestions, and you’ll find even more in the free mini-class on Focusing and Chronic Pain coming up next Tuesday.
You’ve become aware that, in your childhood, both your physical and emotional pain were not welcomed by your parents. And because of that, it’s quite likely that there are parts of you that also don’t welcome pain…as a kind of protection against being rejected by others.
A lot of this would probably release if you spent some time with those worried protector parts that are afraid of what will happen to you if you don’t brace against pain — both physical and emotional.
Another pain tip is to let go of the word “pain.” It often becomes a label instead of a description…so I advise people to “let the word ‘pain’ float away” and describe the sensation “freshly, as if you had never felt it before.”
It may be a lot to ask of yourself that you soften. I think softening will come naturally from simple awareness that doesn’t push or pull away. Do let me know how it goes!
