When you are trying to listen to your inner wisdom, do you get frustrated and angry when nothing comes?

Sam writes:

I am trying to use Focusing to get some movement on some very stuck life issues. But when I sit down and invite the body feeling, all I get is fog. I feel frustrated and angry at the process. It seems like other people are getting good results, and all I get is fog!

A friend of mine who is also a Focuser suggested that I go slowly. That brought up even more anger! I feel like I’ve spent years trying to feel better and now I’m supposed to go slowly!

Dear Sam: 

I really empathize with how you are feeling. That sounds like it’s a hard thing to be going through. You so much want to make progress, and you are getting fog instead. Frustrating!

And I empathize with the part of you that really wants to make progress. It doesn’t want you to have to go slowly!

The thing is, though: Slow might be the fastest way.

That’s because “fog” often comes from a part of us that doesn’t feel safe. And if it feels pushed, it will feel even less safe… and dig in its heels.

The first step is to “dis-identify” from these entangled, warring parts. Like this:

“I am sensing something in me that is sending me fog… and I am sensing another something in me that is impatient to get moving. … And both are there.”

The key here is that you cultivate your ability to be with both of these parts of you without getting caught or merged with either one.

This is called being Self-in-Presence. It’s a natural ability that is easier to access when we feel calm and resourced by plenty of sleep and self-care. Taking a walk in nature, or doing yoga, or any kind of movement that you like (dancing!) can also help you cultivate Self-in-Presence.

As Barbara McGavin and I discovered when we were creating our Untangling™ work, being Self-in-Presence is a key environment for change. And then your parts don’t have to war with each other. Instead, they can each be fully heard… and something really new can happen.