Focusing Tip #592 – Do you ever wonder why trying to fix yourself doesn’t work?

Michelle writes:

I have been operating under the idea that I would recognize a shift from Focusing by having “a solution” to my issue. That’s not happening for me. So, how does one recognize or know a shift?

I am realizing that there has been a part of me asking Focusing questions in an effort to “fix” or find a solution to my issue.

Dear Michelle:

I am so sorry to hear that you’ve been Focusing with your issue and there has been no solution. Yet I am also not surprised. As long as you are using the Focusing moves to try to “fix” yourself, your inner world feels like an unsafe place, and no true change is likely to happen.

An anxious part of you is trying to force a solution by saying all the “right” words… but the deeper part of you that holds the key to change can detect that kind of agenda, and refuses to cooperate.

This is what Barbara McGavin and I call a “Tangle.” Parts in an inner war, each one holding onto its point of view… and no change.

Of course a big part of you longs for a solution! But that part of you cannot make the solution happen.

What I would recommend is that you practice cultivating Self-in-Presence by acknowledging the part of you that wants to fix things, and let it tell you what it is worried will happen if things don’t get fixed. And then very compassionately let it know you hear it.

What does a shift feel like? It feels good! Any easing in the body, any deeper breath, that’s a shift. A number of them over time add up to life change.

Here’s a secret: You are unlikely to know at the end of a Focusing session that it has been life-changing. So if there is a part of you that says, at the end of a session, “But there is no solution!” – I would just say to that part: “Really? Let’s wait and see.” And then live, and see whether you have new possibilities.

A true solution is not a thought or an idea, but a new way of living…