“Now it’s a struggle between the parts that don’t want to do anything regularly and the parts that want to do Focusing all the time.”
Anne writes:
I give my parts really deep and compassionate Self-in-Presence – and they love that! But something in me doesn’t want to… and keeps me from being regular in my Focusing.
I used to feel my parts receiving “enoughness” and my life opening up. Now it’s a struggle between the parts that don’t want to do anything regularly and the parts that want to do Focusing all the time. Is there room for negotiating in Focusing? Setting limits? Any advice, I’d appreciate it.
Dear Anne:
I’m very curious about the part of you that doesn’t want to do Focusing!
Have you found out what it is that it doesn’t want, about Focusing? Or about doing anything regularly?
People often have parts in conflict about what action to take, or whether to take an action. Do exercise, leave a job, tell so-and-so how I feel… We often have a part that wants to and a part that doesn’t want to.
There’s a trap here.
If we think that this is an either-or situation, where one or the other has to win, we are lost. We may think we are Self-in-Presence, but we are actually caught in the polarized world of the parts.
The urge to negotiate or to set limits comes from this narrow idea, that the parts are opposites and this conflict has to be controlled. We don’t want to go there.
Here’s what I would recommend instead:
- Say “I am sensing something in me that wants to do Focusing all the time AND I am sensing something in me that doesn’t want to do Focusing at all.”
- Say, “Both are here, and I am here with both.”
- Sense if it feels right to stay with both or if one needs attention first.
- With one of them, compassionately sense what it doesn’t want or wants FROM the action it recommends.
So, I’m just as curious about the part that wants to do Focusing all the time, as I am about the part that doesn’t want to do Focusing. I wonder what it wants for you FROM doing Focusing all the time.
You – Self-in-Presence – are not taking sides or deciding. You are going deeper with curiosity into what is driving each side.
I predict you will find yourself quite surprised at what the part that doesn’t want to do Focusing doesn’t want FROM doing Focusing. This is not getting “information,” this is a change process. When the part is heard for its deeper not-wanting, lots can change… and without effort. Certainly without negotiating.
