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Focusing Tip #722 – “I don’t like to be spoken to that way.”
If you feel rage and sadness at how you are being treated, what can you do? Read on…
Mary writes:
When my husband speaks cruelly to me, I feel so much rage and sadness about it. I took your advice and put my hand on my heart… and I told the rage and sadness that I heard it. But it didn’t budge.
Then I watched a video you did on Acknowledging How Hard It Is. I validated my feelings of how hard it is. After this, I felt empowered to speak my truth to my husband. I just said, “Remember, I’m the one who loves you, and I don’t like to be spoken to that way.”
I don’t know if he will change. I have changed. Instead of swallowing the words my husband says to me, a space opens bigger every time and I’m filled with more self-love.
Dear Mary:
I want to celebrate to the skies the huge shift that you made!
Your story is such a great example of a very important point: when we are present to our emotions, not merged with them yet not pushing them away, this can lead to empowered action that advances the situation.
In your story we can really see the difference between acting on triggered emotion vs. finding a fitting action from a place of Presence.
Acting on triggered emotion = swallowing your husband’s cruel words because of fear. Or lashing out and attacking him. Neither way brings freedom.
But when you can create a compassionate relationship with your hard emotions… When you are the one who hears them and validates how painful they are… Then an action that truly makes a positive difference becomes possible.
What a kind way to be clear with your husband! “Remember, I’m the one who loves you, and I don’t like to be spoken to that way.” So beautiful.
You don’t know if he will change. But I bet he will. And anyway, you have changed. Next steps will emerge as well. Wonderful! I am celebrating with you!
Here is the video Mary referenced:
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