Focusing Tip #781 – A question about desires

Focusing Tip #781 – A question about desires
January 12, 2022 Ann Weiser Cornell
“My inner critic says, 'It's over. You will never get it now. It's too late. The only way to be happy is to stop wanting.'”

Focusing Tip #781 – a question about desires

Do you feel like you’d better give up on getting what you long for? Read on…

Cori writes:

I have a question about desires.

For a long time I’ve wanted to improve my life in specific ways, but without success. My inner critic says, “It’s over. You will never get it now. It’s too late. The only way to be happy is to stop wanting.”

Another part of me believes the inner critic, that my chances are over and I should just give up. There are so many good reasons why that is true!

How can I feel empowered and bigger than these parts? What would my next step be?

Dear Cori:

It can be painful and frustrating to have a desire and not know how to make it happen. A part of us wants to save us the pain by trying to stop the desire. That part says things like, “It’s too late. Stop wanting it.”

But I don’t think it’s possible to stop a desire.

Sure, desires can change, as life develops… but not because we have decided to stop them. Desires have a life of their own. They point us in a direction… and we need to explore that direction, even if the desire itself never comes true.

Here’s what I recommend: Embrace the desire, even if you don’t know how to make it happen. Let it be OK to long for something!

Once you have made a loving relationship with the part of you that has the desire, invite it to tell you more. What does it want for you to be able to feel if you get what you desire? When it responds — with images or feelings — let it know you get what it is showing you.

When you do this, you are cultivating your desires. They are no longer painful and frustrating. They are sources of inspiration and understanding.

If a part of you is still worried that you are wasting your time cultivating the desire, you can also spend some time with it, listening to what it is afraid will happen if you have this desire.

Every time you listen compassionately to any part of you, your Self-in-Presence grows stronger. You might not feel bigger than the parts, at first. That too is something that develops. Step by step!

Just Getting Started with Focusing?


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