If a part of you keeps worrying about scary futures, and it doesn’t help to tell it you are safe, what can you do? Read on…
Illona writes:
How can I work with a part that keeps ruminating with images of the hate groups that have been gaining ground in my country?
I know the positive intention is to keep me safe but letting it know I’m safe now doesn’t seem to be enough because it is so scared for my life and assets. And it keeps showing me images or citations of how the movement is growing. I’ve even been losing sleep over it. Any suggestions?
Dear Illona:
It has never worked very well for me to tell my parts that they don’t have to worry about what they’re worried about. (Any more than it works with other people!)
In Inner Relationship Focusing we form relationships with our parts and aspects in which we listen… and that includes not telling them to feel differently than they do. And being curious.
So you are acknowledging that there is a part of you that is ruminating with images of hate groups. Clearly it is worried… but it might not be worried about what you assume.
“Hello, I know you are really worried about those hate groups… And I’m here to listen to what’s really worrying you about them.”
Let it show you images of what it fears, and rather than countering what it shows you, just let it know you get what it is showing you. There is a way that its worries make sense, right? So say to it, “I really get that, no wonder you’d be worried about that.”
Then, when it feels you really hear it, you’ll sense it start to relax a bit. That’s when you might invite it to let you know (or show you) what it wants for you. Maybe it’s for you to be safe… but again, don’t assume.
Would you want to have a conversation with me if I think I already know what you are going to say? What I love about Focusing is that it can surprise us — and so can other people.
