Focusing Tip #842 – Parts and Boundaries

Do you ever give parts what they ask for? Read on…

Alan writes:

When we’re with a part and we ask what type of contact it wants, what if it says a hug or to hold hands? I’m confused with this because sometimes we don’t do what the part wants, but we do acknowledge that it wants it.

So I’m wondering when we do what a part asks, and when we simply acknowledge it.

Dear Alan:

Imagine this scenario: You’re spending time feeling and listening to a part of you. Let’s say it’s a sad part that you can feel in your chest.

It says: “I want you to quit your job so you can spend all your time listening to how sad I am.”

You wouldn’t quit your job! At least, that’s not what I’d recommend.

You’d say to the part: “I really hear that you feel you need so much time from me, you even want me to quit my job to do it. I hear that, and I am here now, ready to hear more.”

That’s an example of a request from a part that we would not do.

What requests do we do? Barbara McGavin and I created a simple invitation that goes like this: “I am sensing what kind of contact or company this part would like from me right now.”

So it’s clear: when the request from a part is for a kind of contact or company — from you — right now — then go ahead and do it.

A request from a part for a hug from you definitely falls into this category!

Hug it if it asks… and keep listening.