Do you have attachment issues coming up in the therapy relationship? Read on…
Mindy writes:
I am in therapy. One challenging issue is attachment. My therapist Is very professional and never mentions other clients. But any time there’s a reference to another client because of a time change, inside there’s total turmoil. Is there any way to not be jealous of my therapist’s other clients? I’m also jealous that my friend’s therapist makes her coffee.
Dear Mindy:
I remember being super-jealous of other clients when I was in therapy! I didn’t want my therapist to have any other clients than me.
What I came to understand was that those were the feelings of a younger part of me, and that therapy was a safe container for me to allow those feelings to come up.
What helped — a lot — was when I started to accept those feelings in myself as a natural part of the healing process. I didn’t fight them, and I didn’t make myself wrong for feeling them.
In fact, I had a lot of empathy and compassion for that “younger me” who wanted to have this very caring person all to herself. I could say to her, inside, “No wonder! Of course!”
The key here is to not merge with the younger you. If you do merge, I predict you won’t see much change.
Say to yourself, “I’m sensing a part of me that is jealous of my therapist’s other clients. I’m sensing a part of me that wants my therapist to do nice things for me like making me coffee.”
Then put a gentle hand on your heart and say a warm and friendly Hello to that part of you. Let her know that you hear her. (If she/her is the right pronoun.) Let her know you get that she is longing to be special to someone.
To be deeply understood is a powerful healing process. If you repeat this, over time, I think you will find your feelings shifting. That’s what happened to me!
