What do you do when even saying Hello doesn’t make anger go away? Read on…
Liz writes:
So, something triggers anger. Could be a minor annoyance or something big. I try meditation to make the anger go away — but that doesn’t really work.
I can disconnect or distract myself but the feeling is still there. So I try saying Hello to it. That’s better, but it says, “I don’t want to feel this.” Not sure where to take it from there.
Dear Liz:
There’s definitely something in you that doesn’t want to feel the anger!
That’s why you are trying meditation, and disconnecting, and distracting yourself. That’s why you are saying Hello to the feeling… to try to get it to go away.
So when you hear, from inside, “I don’t want to feel this,” I’m guessing that you are actually hearing from that part of you that doesn’t want to feel the anger.
Your next step would be to say, “I really hear you don’t want to feel the anger!”
And then get curious. What does this part of you not like about feeling anger?
Maybe it feels ashamed because feeling anger means it’s out of control (in its view). Or not spiritual enough. Or it feels that anger had better be hidden from other people. You might think the answer is obvious… but actually there could be a lot of reasons for not wanting to feel anger. Yours will be unique.
When you hear what bothers this part of you about feeling anger, you’ll have access to a larger perspective. You’ll have the inner space to turn toward the anger itself, which is here for some good reason. You couldn’t have done that as long as you were merged with the part that didn’t want to feel the anger.
The anger itself will have something to tell you about what triggered it… and when you hear it, I suspect it will relax and change into something else… easily and freely.
