“I don’t know what to do with my sadness and frustration about not being seen and heard.”
A Reader writes:
People in my family don’t listen to me. They never ask me about myself. I don’t even think they know what I do for a living! We talk about trivial things, or about their lives. I feel kind of invisible around them. I don’t know what to do with my sadness and frustration about not being seen and heard.
Dear Reader:
It makes so much sense to feel sad and frustrated when you’re not seen and heard as who you are. I think being seen and heard as ourselves is a basic human need. Babies are born ready to be seen and heard as themselves! And if that doesn’t happen, there’s a sense of something missing.
In fact I think that most of us are empathy deprived.
I’m so sorry that’s happening to you in your family. No wonder you have feelings about it.
And your question is, what to do with the feelings that come when you aren’t seen and heard by those who say they love you?
Start by you being the one who gives empathy to yourself.
Say: “Something in me feels so sad and frustrated at not being seen and heard as myself.”
Next: “And I’m saying Hello to that.”
Pause to feel where in your body you’re aware of something in you feeling sad and frustrated — and let a gentle hand go there.
Now stay longer, sensing that place in you… aware there may be more there that you haven’t put into words yet. This is true empathy: When we stay present, curious and open, for the next steps that are emerging.
The more you do this with yourself, the more (I predict) you’ll find yourself meeting people who can also listen to you… and you’ll want to listen to them. Even if it’s not your family!
