Is it possible to weep and still be Self-in-Presence? Read on…
Joyce writes:
During a Focusing session with a companion this week, my Self-in Presence wept as I engaged with and listened to several parts. I did not feel overwhelmed and did not experience myself being entirely identified with the parts.
It felt more like I was weeping with empathy for these parts that expressed fatigue, grief, and being without hope. The result was a shift into relief with a sense of expansiveness. I experienced this session as being the most helpful, relieving experience for the heavy feelings I have had in a year.
My question is about the tears of Self-in-Presence… is tearfulness a manner in which Self-in-Presence can be?
Dear Joyce:
It seems to me you have answered your own question beautifully!
You didn’t feel overwhelmed. You were listening to the parts expressing fatigue, grief, and being without hope, and they felt heard. You felt a shift into relief with a sense of expansiveness.
Those are all fine indications of being Self-in-Presence in relationship to parts.
“Weeping with empathy” is something that Barbara McGavin and I have often observed. To weep along with someone who is suffering a hard time is a natural human response. And we can certainly do that when we are Self-in-Presence.
In understanding Self-in-Presence, it’s important to remember that it is not a neutral state, a state of no feelings. It’s a state of compassion. In fact, in his wonderful new book, The Way of Curiosity, Peter Gill calls it The Compassionate Self.
What helps me is to remember that Self-in-Presence needs nothing for itself. If there are tears, they are not tears that draw on someone else’s sympathy. When I am Self-in-Presence, I am in a natural state of empathy, presence, and giving.
And Joyce, it sounds like you could feel that! Especially wonderful is the result: that your heavy feelings felt the most relief they have felt all year. It reminds me that no matter how hard and painful our feelings may be, when they can receive empathy from Self-in-Presence, they shift. And we can feel the difference.
