Do you have a part of you that encourages you to indulge yourself? Read on…
Eduardo writes:
In Focusing we are very attentive to how the Inner Critic interferes in our experience, and how to respond to that, but isn’t another part just as relevant? That’s the over-permissive part in us that says it’s OK to do things excessively because “we deserve it,” and other justifications.
For example, yesterday I had a difficult day and instead of connecting with my feelings about that, I followed a voice that told me: “Just have a hearty meal, a dessert, and then watch TV.”
Dear Eduardo:
Ah! I recognize what you are saying very well. And you are absolutely right! This permissive part needs as much attention as the criticizing part.
I remember when I was drinking too much.
Part of me was worried about how often I was getting drunk, and scolded me for being “out of control” and “unenlightened.”
Then another part would argue with that one, saying “She deserves to relax” and “Other people drink much more.”
Those two would contend all day… until the part that drank walked me to the liquor store and bought a bottle of wine. Then the argument was over.
So yes, do say Hello to the part that is an “enabler,” that argues that this problem isn’t a problem. Just as with the Inner Critic, this Part has worries and hopes for you, and when you get in touch with what’s underneath its justifications, things will open up and shift.
And of course the third part, the one who is actually doing those excessive things, also needs attention. You might discover there are at least three parts in this pattern, and your job as Self-in-Presence is to hold them all with compassion and curiosity.
