Do you spend time imagining uncertain futures or ruminating about the past? Read on…
A Reader writes:
A lot of my thoughts are rooted in some sort of worry. They are usually things that are never likely to happen or crazy ruminations that are not helpful. I struggle with how to deal with these everyday thoughts with a parts centered approach.
I know about catching the thought in that moment or right after and saying that it’s not helpful and moving on, but is that the way to handle it when it’s a part?
Dear Reader:
Good question! It’s definitely a part of you that shows you images of unlikely but scary events, and ruminates about various scenarios. And it is worried, that’s true. Best to be compassionate to its worry, rather than telling it that it isn’t helpful.
Here’s an example from my own life. When I fly I check in my suitcase. After arrival, when I stand at the baggage claim waiting for my suitcase to appear, I have all kinds of thoughts about what I will do if it never comes.
Unhelpful? Sure! But it’s a part of me that worries, and I have learned that it’s no good to tell it that those thoughts are not helpful.
Instead, I give it a mental hug. I say to it, “I know you’re worried about the suitcase.”
Then I say, “Maybe there’s more you’re worried about. Go ahead and tell me; I’m listening.”
That’s such a soft, sweet invitation that I feel a letting go inside, and I start to feel tender toward myself, toward all the stresses of traveling, toward how hard it is for something in me to keep everything together and make sure nothing is missed. I start to smile.
And then, of course, right around that time, my suitcase appears!
So be nice to your worried parts. Be sweet to them. Maybe all they need is to know that you are there, listening and caring.
