Do you dread going deeper with your inner work? Read on…
Alan writes:
I’ve been enjoying Focusing for a while but recently, something in me has been dreading it. This part of me seems to dread being alive and facing life. It pulls me away from anything vulnerable that would lead to me connecting more with life. I suspect it involves some really deep dark painful stuff from my past.
Do you have some help for me on how to be with this?
Dear Alan:
Well done so far! You’re already using the language of “something in me has been dreading Focusing” instead of “I’ve been dreading Focusing.” That enables you to have a relationship with that part of you.
And you can already sense some of what that part of you is wanting to avoid. It’s something about being alive and facing life. Your sense is that it connects to some “really deep dark painful stuff” from your past.
It’s not uncommon to have a part that dreads anything vulnerable, and dreads connecting more. And it’s not uncommon to have a deeper “something” that this one dreads connecting with.
With two parts like this, cultivating Self-in-Presence is super-important. Feel your body’s contact on your chair, shift your posture and feel the outlines of your body. Say “I am here.”
Then say: “And I am the space where these two parts can be as they are.”
Let them both know that you will go slowly. To the part that dreads, say that you will not go past it. You will be with it, with compassion and empathy, as long as it needs you to. It can stay here, as the guardian of what it dreads, until it itself feels trusting enough in you to let you go past.
And that can take all the time it needs. It is this slow, steady presence — without any agenda — that makes Focusing safe. Take your time!
Oh, and by the way — painful it may be… but it isn’t dreadful. It’s very likely to be a Younger You who got hurt and needs your love. Nothing actually scary at all.
Other Helpful Tips
Focusing Tip #669 – “I keep wanting to jump up and get out of there” (Opens in a new browser tab)
Focusing Tip #643 – “I don’t know what this scared feeling needs.”(Opens in a new browser tab)
