Focusing Tip #643 – “I don’t know what this scared feeling needs.”

Focusing Tip #643 – “I don’t know what this scared feeling needs.”
February 7, 2019 Ann Weiser Cornell
What if you can feel that something in you is scared but you have no idea why?

Focusing Tip #643 – “I don’t know what this scared feeling needs.”

What if you can feel that something in you is scared but you have no idea why? Read on…


A Reader writes:

I followed your tip to sense inside and call my feeling “something.” And I said hello. But something in me said “no” very loudly. It doesn’t really like me saying hello.

I think it must need something. It is so scared. But I can’t understand what it needs. How can I find ways to understand what it needs?

Dear Michelle:

Great, it is already communicating with you!

If it told you it didn’t like Hello, I would respect that. That’s a very rich communication, in fact.

And you can sense that it is scared. Excellent!

But I’m wondering about the question “What does it need?”

That question can be a subtle way of trying to change the feeling. As if we are really saying, “What does it need to stop feeling so scared?” The subtle agenda is, I need it to stop feeling so scared.

And it can feel that. The “something” can tell that it is not being completely accepted as it is.

So what I would recommend instead is that you say to it, “I sense you are very scared. And I am here.”

Maybe next you’d say to it: “How would you like me to be with you?”

We are building trust, building an inner relationship… like making friends with a shy animal. It’s not instant, it takes time… and it with time, more comes.

Other tips you might find helpful:

What to do when feelings are too big or overwhelming.

Focusing Tip #625 – The timid and shy parts of you

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