Do you do Focusing when you’re agitated? Or when you’re calm? Read on…
Candace writes:
My question is about the timing of doing Focusing.
Do you focus when you’re feeling strong emotions, like when your parts are really triggering you, or do you focus when you have a moment of quiet to sit down and do it?
When I’m feeling super-emotional or “hijacked,” I’m not always able to find the space and/or time to focus, but when I’m feeling fine and calm, I don’t seem to have any parts to talk to.
Dear Candace:
Ah, yes! The art of doing Focusing when you’re feeling fine!
Actually, I think the best time to do Focusing is when you’re calm and you have some unhurried time. Especially deep Focusing, that lets you get to the bottom of things.
In the urgent moment, when you’re feeling super-emotional, is a good time to do “Focusing First Aid,” as Barbara McGavin and I call it. Pause… breathe… and say “I am sensing something in me is feeling _… and I am saying Hello to that.”
Just doing that much can help you get through the time of hijack with more of your self intact. But those same agitated parts will come back the next time they’re triggered unless they get more attention than that — at some point.
So that means Focusing when things are quiet — and maybe when you have a Focusing partner with you. (Recommended!)
The big question then is, how do you invite a part of you to show up, when you’re not feeling it strongly already? Well, that’s the key word: Invite. Take some time to get settled, get grounded, and bring awareness into the inner area of your body: throat, chest, stomach.
Now send out an invitation to the part that got triggered that other time. Say, “I’m here now, and I’d like to get to know you better.”
And wait. With your awareness in your body, calmly and patiently wait. Something will come… but it very likely won’t be as intense as when it came up before.
That’s OK. Focusing doesn’t require feelings to be intense. Focusing is listening to your body when it whispers, as well as when it shouts.
