Last week I wrote that there are no monsters inside us. I heard back from Tom, who wrote, “But in some people there are (Ted Bundy etc.).” That was the day before we sadly had a contemporary example of a person behaving in a monstrous way at a midnight movie in Aurora, Colorado. Humans are the most dangerous enemy that humans have, and my heart is heavy. (I would also love to see some stronger gun control in this country!)
But I don’t take back what I said. There are not monstrous parts, just monstrous actions.
It is not a good idea for your parts to take actions. I know that is true of me. The only actions I have ever regretted happened when I lost my center and acted out of a partial self that was in the grip of an unbalanced state.
Barbara McGavin and I have discovered that some types of parts can act, and others cannot. This is one reason why some types of parts don’t talk much; they don’t need to. They can act. Which is why you may find yourself at the refrigerator door, holding an empty ice cream container, wondering, “Who ate that?”
Other types of parts cannot act in the world, so they need to persuade you, or other parts of you, to take action. They are the ones you’ll hear saying “You should…” or “Why don’t you…” Or they may not talk, but they lock you down in tight squeezing bands.
When a part of you urges you to take an action, I would say, listen to what is UNDER the urge for action. Invite it to let you know what it is worried will happen if you do that.
When you can tell that a part of you would like to take an action and is about to do it, I’d advise calmly but strongly asserting your Self-in-Presence. “I’ll be deciding if and when we take and action.” Then listen to what is so urgent to it about taking that action.
Aren’t there bad parts?
No, I don’t think there are bad parts.
All parts are partial. They have a limited point of view. Furthermore, they are essentially children, so they are neither adult nor wise.
But they are not bad. In fact, good vs. bad is pretty much an irrelevant question, when it comes to parts, and to emotions. They just are.
It’s not a good idea to let your kids drive your car, and it’s not a good idea to let your parts run your body. But they have many gifts for you if instead of letting them act out, you listen to them.
