Have you ever felt like you just can’t do anything right? Do you say things to yourself that you’d never say to another person? It might help to know you’re not alone. We hear a lot from people who struggle with critical inner voices and we have many resources to help.
Facing the Inner Critic is a bit like doing battle with a fire-breathing dragon. It can appear fierce and destructive. It can feel like there’s a part of you that hates you. Or it can seem like a stern authoritarian that’s telling you how you should behave and feel.
But there’s a secret to the Inner Critic: No matter how fierce and stern it appears, it’s actually an anxious young part of you, and it does what it does to try to save you. It causes all that suffering not because it wants to, but because of how desperately anxious it is.
For many years we’ve been teaching this secret that Ann Weiser Cornell and Barbara McGavin discovered. It’s truly life-changing.
When you can understand and treat an Inner Critic as a scared part of you, it relaxes. It lightens. It becomes an ally. It can even disappear completely.
On this page, you’ll find a collection of courses and resources to help you work with your Inner Critic.
a different perspective
Your inner critic might just be missing some important communication skills.
Many years ago, Ann was helping her roommate paint their Chicago apartment. A rickety ladder was standing in the hall when Leone’s cat, Frostbite, decided to leap onto the paint shelf. Ladder, cat, and everything came crashing to the floor. Ann rushed over to help untangle him, and instead of welcoming her, Frostbite attacked. Claws out, yowling, completely wild.
From Ann’s Article, “Radical Gentleness: The transformation of the Inner critic”
“It didn’t take long for me to forgive him. Of course he attacked me; he was terrified, panicky, trapped, and desperate. All I had to do was see the desperation instead of the attack, and my compassion opened up easily, despite the claw marks on my hand.”
“The same was true of the inner criticizing process. If I wanted to help someone have compassion for a part of them that was critical, what I needed to do was invite them to consider that the criticizing part might be afraid. This always worked.”
In that stress-filled moment, Frostbite was too overwhelmed by fear to ask for help in a way that wasn’t harmful. For many of us, our inner critics are in that same place. They’re afraid, and that fear comes out as an attack.
When you can turn toward that fierce, frightened part with curiosity and patience, something shifts. It no longer needs to pull the proverbial fire alarm to get your attention. It can begin to tell you what it’s actually afraid of. And from there, you can move forward… with clarity (and without the claws).
“There are no enemies inside. Every part of us is trying to save our lives.“
– ann weiser cornell
a different perspective
Your inner critic might just be missing some important communication skills.
Many years ago, Ann was helping her roommate paint their Chicago apartment. A rickety ladder was standing in the hall when Leone’s cat, Frostbite, decided to leap onto the paint shelf. Ladder, cat, and everything came crashing to the floor. Ann rushed over to help untangle him, and instead of welcoming her, Frostbite attacked. Claws out, yowling, completely wild.
From Ann’s Article, “Radical Gentleness: The transformation of the Inner critic”
“It didn’t take long for me to forgive him. Of course he attacked me; he was terrified, panicky, trapped, and desperate. All I had to do was see the desperation instead of the attack, and my compassion opened up easily, despite the claw marks on my hand.”
“The same was true of the inner criticizing process. If I wanted to help someone have compassion for a part of them that was critical, what I needed to do was invite them to consider that the criticizing part might be afraid. This always worked.”
In that stress-filled moment, Frostbite was too overwhelmed by fear to ask for help in a way that wasn’t harmful. For many of us, our inner critics are in that same place. They’re afraid, and that fear comes out as an attack.
When you can turn toward that fierce, frightened part with curiosity and patience, something shifts. It no longer needs to pull the proverbial fire alarm to get your attention. It can begin to tell you what it’s actually afraid of. And from there, you can move forward… with clarity (and without the claws).
“There are no enemies inside. Every part of us is trying to save our lives.“
– ann weiser cornell
what usually doesn’t work
Trying to “fix” or quiet the inner critic
Arguing with the critical voice
Trying to silence or suppress it
Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones
Telling yourself to “be kinder to yourself”
Pushing the critic away or trying to exile it
Pushed away, the inner critic comes back. Often louder than before. As Ann writes: if we criticize the critic, we are perpetuating the problem.
the irf approach
Meeting the inner critic with curiosity
Recognizing the critic as a scared part of you
Turning toward it with curiosity and compassion instead of resistance
Really listening to what it’s worried about
Holding it in Presence: neither pushing away nor being overwhelmed by it
Letting it soften in its own time
When a criticizing part feels genuinely heard, it relaxes. Not because it’s been conquered, but because its fear has finally been acknowledged.
“An inner criticizing part is any part of you that believes that you or another part of you has to change in order for you to be OK.“
— Ann Weiser Cornell, Radical Gentleness
Frequently Asked Questions About Inner Critics
Here are some of the most common questions we hear from people exploring Inner Relationship Focusing as a way to navigate inner criticizing voices. If you have a question that isn’t answered here, reach out to us.
What is an inner critic?
An inner critic often shows up as a harsh internal voice that judges, criticizes, or tells you that you’re not enough. It can sound like “Why am I always so stupid?” or “I should be further along by now” or simply a persistent feeling of not measuring up.
In Inner Relationship Focusing, we think of the inner critic not as a fixed, essential part of who you are, but as a part of you that is “criticizing right now,” a temporary state that came about for a reason, and one that can change.
Why do I have an inner critic?
The inner critic often develops as a protective response, a part of you that learned, at some point, that criticism or control was a way to keep you safe, acceptable, or loved. It criticizes because it’s afraid that without that pressure, something bad will happen.
As Ann has found over decades of working with people: when you look closely at a criticizing part, you almost always find that it believes it is helping. It criticizes because it’s afraid that without that pressure, nothing will ever change.
Why does my inner critic get louder when I try to silence it, or ignore it?
Because pushing any part of your inner experience away doesn’t make it disappear. It just teaches it to be louder, harsher, and more insistent to get your attention. As Ann writes in “Radical Gentleness”: “You cannot ‘get rid of’ any of your feelings, no matter how much something in you may want to. You can only send them underground. In exile, parts of us become wilder, darker, lonelier, crueler. When they return from exile, or act from exile, they are not a pretty sight.”
Can Focusing really help with self-criticism and harsh self-judgment?
Yes, and it’s one of the areas where people most consistently report significant shifts. Many people who’ve tried years of therapy, positive affirmations, or mindfulness and still live with a relentless inner critic finally find relief with IRF.
The shift is usually more gradual than dramatic or immediate. But many people report that even one or two Focusing sessions begin to change the quality of their relationship with their inner critic for the better.
How do I stop being so hard on myself?
A simple first step: the next time you notice the inner critic, try saying to yourself, “I’m sensing something in me is saying (insert the critical idea here).”
That small shift in language, from being the critic to noticing the critic, can create just enough space to begin listening rather than struggling.
Our free introductory course, Transform Your Relationship to Your Inner Critic, includes a practice specifically for working with inner critics that takes about 15 minutes, and can make all the difference.
Do I need a therapist to work on my inner critic with Focusing?
No. One of the things that makes Focusing distinctive is that it’s designed to be practiced as a self-help skill. Many people work with their inner critic entirely through self-guided Focusing or with a Focusing partner, someone who has also learned the process and takes turns listening.
That said, if your inner critic is very severe or connected to significant trauma, working with a trained Focusing-oriented therapist or practitioner can provide important additional support. You can find out more about one-to-one Focusing sessions with Ann here.
Courses to Help With Inner Critics
Transform Your Relationship to Your Inner Critic
Get our free, short video course and discover a revolutionary process for shifting how you show up when your inner critic comes calling.
Sign up for our free e-course and get helpful ways to start feeling better about yourself.
Radical Gentleness
5-Module Downloadable Audio Course
When your mind is a battleground and you’ve become your own worst bully, it can be hard to find peace… Are you ready to take it easier on yourself? Make your move from self-blame to inner acceptance with the Radical Gentleness audio course!
Loving the Unlovable:
Transforming Shame and Self-Blame
3-Module Interactive Video Course + Community
If you suffer from shame or lack of self-love, even occasionally, this course can help you shift how you view (and how much you appreciate) the most “unlovable” parts of yourself.
Finding Freedom From Inner Critics
21 Days of Online Video Trainings + Community
Life is much harder when you have an inner critic telling you to feel bad about who you are. Learn a loving, life-enhancing way to change how you experience self-criticism so you can move forward with more confidence, self-compassion, and inner peace.
SHIFT
Interactive Video-based Training + Online Community
This program will teach you the Inner Relationship Focusing process and how to apply it to your daily life. Learn how to pause and get a larger sense of what’s happening in the moment, bring acceptance to the things you experience throughout your day (feelings, thoughts, etc), and apply the process of Focusing to inner critics, decisions, releasing blocks, and more.
Available at your convenience as soon as you register, from anywhere you can connect to the internet.
Price range: $97.00 through $237.00Articles, Tips, and Videos About Inner Critics
Tips to help with Inner Critics and Increasing Self-Compassion and Self-Confidence
Focusing Tip #771 – Inner Relationship Focusing to increase confidence
If your doubts about your abilities are in the way of moving forward, read on…
Focusing Tip #747 – “Is the tightness in my chest a felt sense?”
Is the tightness in your chest giving you wise inner guidance? Or something else?
Focusing Tip #703 – “I struggle with feelings of failure, shame, inadequacy…”
If you feel that old negative beliefs about yourself are coming up more strongly now…
When You Think You’re No Good
Get a way to work with an inner critic when it challenges your inner peace.
Focusing Tip #683 – “I made a mistake and now I feel my guts turning around”
Do your guts twist up with shame when you make a mistake, even a very innocent one?
Focusing Tip #663 – “Something in me doesn’t like or respect me”
Do you have a harsh inner voice or part that doesn’t like you and puts you down?
Focusing Tip #652 – “When it’s really bad I resort to binging on sweets.”
Do you struggle with an inner critic that makes you feel like you are taken hostage?
Focusing Tip #598 – If you have a negative core belief about yourself, how can you change it?
If you struggle with feelings like “something in me believes I don’t know anything” or “something in me believes I have nothing to say,” how do you go about changing them?
How to be a Perfect Imposter
Are you longing to be loved for who you are instead of who you think you need to pretend to be?
Focusing Tip #589 – Are you angry at the parts of you that have held you back from living your potential?
What can you do if you feel like critical parts have really been in charge of your life and you’d like some relief?
Focusing Tip #565 – “Do you have a hard time listening to your inner critic because you can’t hear it?”
Is it worth engaging with your inner critics when you believe you already know what they’re worried about?
Focusing Tip #586 – “It’s such a challenge to remake a life.”
What do you when thoughts of your dreams are crushed by critical, doubting parts?
